I was having a chat with a friend of mine recently who is one of these big biker blokes and, though I have known him for 15 years, we have never indulged in what you would call a ‘heart to heart’ as we tend to just banter and joke with each other.

However, on this occasion we were having a civilised chat. He was having some troubles with his teenage son and discussing ways in which to deal with him. I have two teenage step-children and could relate to some of what he was saying and I told him this.

He asked “why do you call them your step-children?” So, not quite getting his point, I explained that I was married to their mum etc. In response, he said “it takes a person to be a parent, not bodily fluids.”

Now, after nearly falling off my chair after such a profound statement from a man who I have often seen lift people in the air and throw them across a room if they irritate him, I began to think about what he said in greater depth.

Now as many of you may know, being a parent is not easy, especially when your kids are teenagers. It takes work, patience, love, but most of all, reliability.

I went from being able to do my own thing whenever I wanted to and then living with two kids and it was indeed a culture shock. Instead of coming home and collapsing in a heap after a hard day at the office, there are things like homework, bedtime stories (yes, even teenagers still like them) and long conversations, generally which I don’t understand, to be had.

 More and more LGBT people are having children now than ever before, whether it be through insemination or meeting a partner who already has them and it gives a whole new perspective on your world.

Luckily, my step-kids do not have a homophobic molecule in their bodies, they accepted me being with their Mum and they love me as I love them. They also love the gay community. Gay Pride in Leeds is one day of the year that they really look forward too and they actively get involved in. At Pride 2010, I gave a speech on the main stage in front of 23,000 people and the cheers that I heard the most were from my family.

It is not always that easy for a gay person or a straight person to suddenly wake up one day and be a parent.

So, maybe the word ‘step’ as in mother, father or child is not such a bad thing. As there are many, many steps to climb to reach the point of mutual understanding, love and respect with your child. I attribute being a parent to a rollercoaster ride, it has its ups and downs, some scary parts and some parts of pure exhilaration.

So, give it a go just remember to wear your seatbelt, it will be a bumpy ride.

Sarah Carmody

editor@gayleeds.com